Bringing It All Together - Financial and Management Documents and Process

Program/Performance Budget (PPB - Form, Substance and Process) Part 3

The prior two sections dealt with the various management documents and reports that keep score of financial performance during the year, allowing for constant adjustments in projections, and the Program Budget itself, the forms requirement and the communication aspects of setting goals and objectives which then become an unambiguous guideline to form the basis of performance evaluations. We have also noted that the PPB process, by necessity and purpose, becomes a “living” document, a reflection of a communities values and desires in relation to time, and ever changing due to measurement updates.

Now it becomes important to briefly discuss what is in place to this point:
· PPB forms, calling for
- Clear Goals for each department which are
“SMART” goals (i.e. goals that are: Specific, Measurable,Achievable, Relevant and Time bound)
-Objectives defined necessary to reach stated goals
-Objectives which are measurable with numerical indicia

· Financial Reports to build the PPB budget
-Monthly estimated vs. actual revenues, by month, 5 year period
-Detailed Operating Cash Flow, breakout by source
-Debt Service Chart, inclusive of Rans and Tans, all future years
-Fixed Cost Chart, 5 prior years data
-Schedule of Contract Payments and Items requiring Public Bid process
-YTD actual vs. estimated expenses, by line item

-DETAILED REVENUE AND EXPENDITURE FORECAST – 5 YEARS INTO THE FUTURE, ORIGINAL ESTIMATE VS. ACTUAL DATA FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS.*

· This last report bears special attention. The accuracy of the ability to estimate future budget revenues and expenses are paramount. Revenue and expenditure forecasting is art, not science. It depends on the skill and experience of the forecaster. It also depends on circumstances that occur during any given fiscal year, and the ability to adjust quickly to those changes in a responsible and timely manner. The forecaster has to know the history of the flow of revenues, the trends over time, the factors requiring increases and decreases, and information of a programmatic basis often times discovered through professional financial organizations and various state sources. Also, with the advent of the internet, there is simply no excuse for lack of access to critical information about interest and debt markets critical to all banking and investment related decisions. There is now virtually no lag time between market fluctuation and investing decisions today. This should also be the case for municipalities.

Almost every financial reporting mechanism described above is in place to do one thing – provide better, more accurate data to decision makers in a timely fashion. It is designed to maximize options and decrease uncertainty. These become even more important when financial troubles hit a municipality. This is precisely when you need more and better options than when resources are abundant. WHEN THE REVENUE LINE CROSSES (RUNS BELOW) THE EXPENDITURE LINE, IT DOES SO WITH A VENGEANCE. This is the reality in Massachusetts municipal finance and management today. This is clearly seen in Fall River.

But there is something missing so far which is critical. That is the official “scorecard”of actual financial and management municipal performance, the annual audit. In this area, Fall River has serious problems. Due to an inexcusable situation with regard to timely audits, Fall River decision makers lack a true reflection of the City’s financial position. This is absolutely critical for access to debt markets without paying premium costs for lack of up to date information. Whatever factors are contributing to the lack of timely audits, all necessary resources must be directed to solve this major problem.
NO WELL RUN COMMUNITY IS TWO FULL FISCAL YEARS BEHIND IN ITS AUDITS BEING COMPLETED. THIS IS UNHEARD OF AND MUST BEE SEEN AS UNACCEPTABLE.
The next mayor must make it a top priority to end this issue during their first year in office. No fiscal certainty is possible without a timely and certain audit and associated management letter. This is a major issue that needs quick attention on Day 1 of the next administration.

Capital Improvement Plan

The only critical document and process not discussed to this point is the Capital Improvement Plan (CIP) and process. Typically, a formal process is devised for a committee of relevant department heads, City Council members and other Mayoral appointed representatives meet to consider all capital purchases brought forth by City departments for consideration and approval. All projects typically receive a grade based on factors of emergency need downward to wish list, and whether the item is subject to long term debt or operating budget source financing. Specific policies dealing with types and length of financing are typically approved by this committee, in conjunction with the Mayor’s finance people and in compliance with applicable state statutes defining types of items financed and associated maximum lengths of financing, based on the expected useful life of the items. Also, policies related to amounts and timing of debt, its reduction and “available” budget to fund further purchases based on percentage of overall budget are typically set by the CIP Committee, and approved by the Mayor and City Council. Obviously, the CIP process and summary document provides essential information to make up the operating budget request each year and limits uncertainty while making it possible to manage fiscal impact of even the most expensive and needed long term capital items.

The Budget Process – Timeline

It should never be the case that the Fall River City Council is presented with a Budget without maximum relevant explanations, supporting data, or the time to adequately review the Mayors Budget recommendations. Currently, the law provides for a 45 day period for review of the Mayoral Budget. Because the City Council members are not full time employees of the City, this maximum time should be utilized, especially during a time of fiscal stress. This would allow for questions to department heads and a public view of the process that needs to be presented to Fall River citizens to foster a real feeling of participation in the allocation of resources by their elected leaders. The more time devoted to public review of the budget, the more public support is likely to be achieved.

Most Massachusetts municipalities have already begun serious FY11 budget preparation and review, at least at the department level. The first realistic revenue forecast has also already begun. This is fairly easy to do, even with the uncertainty of additional 9C cuts looming for FY 10 because most well run communities have the full array of financial management reports and summary documents already discussed. They are at a stage where monthly updates are made and used to continuously adjust projections as the budget process moves forward. Once the PPB documents have been used for the first time, in conjunction with all supporting financial management documents, yearly filing becomes much easier and provides extremely reliable and useful information. And as stated in part 2, Communication between managers is improved because the attainment of goals and objectives renders hard number results as a starting point for performance reviews all along the information pyramid. Remember, policy flows down the pyramid from the Mayor, to department heads, to managers, to line employees, and performance and financial information flows upwards on that pyramid continuously until it reaches the Mayor’s Office.


Example of Budget Timeline:

July 1 - Beginning of Fiscal Year
July 15 - Final date for accruing revenue for previous FY
- Formal Closing in City Auditors Office begins
Aug. 1 - Initial revenue estimate for next FY
Sept. 1 - Mayoral Budget Message and PPB Forms sent to Dept’s
-CIP process for next FY begins
-Books closed for previous FY, ready for audit
Nov. 1 -Depart. submission of budget to Mayor
Jan. 15 -Mayoral review of budget submissions w/ Dept heads
Feb. 15 - CIP final recommendations
April 15 -Final Mayoral budget
May 1 - City Auditor notice to finalize PO’s
May 1 - Mayoral Budget to City Council
June 1 - All department spending stops, only salary and
special purchaeses
June 15 - Cutoff for all PO’s
- City Council passes budget
June 30 - FY ends

NO STRIP JOINTS IN RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOODS !!!!!!!!!

There is nothing dumber that this City could allow to happen than to place a Strip Joint or Gentleman's Club, whatever you want to call it, smack in the middle of a residential neighborhood. It is just plain stupid. These places spawn prostitution, substance abuse, violent crime and tear down property values. These are facts. Also a glaring fact is that all adult entertainment establishments that are in the business
of having women walk and dance around nude are also, in some way, under the control of organized crime. There are no exceptions. Strip joints are a primary source of women used in the pornography business and "high class" prostitution. Participants also have a high likelihood of having drug and alcohol addictions.These are also established facts.

Knowing this, everyone in their right minds might ask, "Why allow it at all?" It is allowed because the Supreme Court has decided that such establishments are a reflection of "the right to free speech and freedom of artistic expression", therefor have a constitutional right to exist. However, the court also allowed municipalities across the country to limit placement of such businesses into locations away from residences and other businesses. These "Adult Entertainment Districts" can be designated in areas of the city away from families and thriving business concerns, as long as they provide certain requirements.

The certainty they can exist has long been established. Fighting their settlement in Fall River is a waste of time and money, and serves only as a cheap election year promise from current and would be politicians. The only smart thing to do to save time and money our elected officials and citizens should be investing in solving the City's financial issues is to find a parcel of land that fits the minimum acceptable requirements for an adult entertainment zone. That is the only way the problems associated with adult entertainment will be kept to a minimum and well away from our families. It's the smart thing to do.

Financial and Management Documents - Part 2

Financial and Management Documents – Part2


The Program /Performance Budget
(Form, Substance and Process)

Formal budgeting, as a practice used by governing bodies, is literally as old as man’s ability to count. The true advances of the budget document itself have been centered on the idea that somehow there has to be a simple, accurate and meaningful way to reflect the values of a community, over time, which also provides a direct and measurable way to assess the success in living up to those values. In this way the budget document becomes the reflection of decisions in the allocation of a community’s or organizations scarce resources. It is also a LIVING DOCUMENT. It reflects values and the attainment of those values by expenditure of resources OVER TIME. It is the time aspect that makes the budget document a living document because it will also impact decisions which must take place in the future. It therefore becomes a living document reflecting a dynamic process where resources allocated today are largely defined by what were allocated yesterday (retrospective), yet are also impacted by what we hope to attain tomorrow (prospective).
Whether it is merely Polaroid picture of those values at a single moment in time or a high definition video with stereo surround sound depends on the desire, and ability, of those creating and managing the budget document and the budget process itself.

Descriptive Imperative:
It is a generally accepted principle in economics and finance that there are three levels of specificity available to analysts in measuring:
Normative: Explanation using words (Least accurate)
Graphical: Use of Charts to provide spatial measurement in explanations (Moderate accuracy indicating relative spatial relationships)
Discriminate Analysis: Use of statistics and the Calculus to discretely measure the AMOUNT of space measured in specific charts – solely description using finite mathematics (Most descriptive) (Everyday
example in municipalities; coefficients produced by regression analysis used in determining the dollar value of housing characteristics - # of bedrooms, for one - that make up the Assessed Valuation of a residence based on actual sales of similar housing stock within that housing market area.

What this tells us is words are descriptive, but may miss parts of what we mean, or may be misconstrued; pictures, tables and graphs more accurately describe things than do mere words; and mathematics renders finite and discrete measurements which are the most accurate in describing amount and direction of those things being measured.

The idea of modern government budgeting can be directly tied to the US Federal Government as far back as the 1920’s, with broader application of those principals by the Defense Department during WWII. However, for the City’s purposes, two major developments are crucial. The first was the creation and implementation of a Program Budget in the US Defense Department by the late Secretary of Defense McNamara which emphasized the statement of primary goals for an organization, to be reached by attaining or performing specific objectives which were to be as finite and measurable as possible.
The second was the organizational theory of Management By Objectives by Peter Drucker in the early 1950’s, and later, George S. Ordione in the 1960’s, which stressed that any organizations actual central purpose should be the center of all activity, and should provide agreed upon goals and objectives for all members of an organization through clear and unambiguous channels of communication and with attainable and measurable objectives to reach a certain goal. This to be obtained by:

“ * Motivation – Involving employees in the whole process of goal setting and increasing employee empowerment increases employee job satisfaction and commitment.
* Better Communication and Coordination – Frequent reviews and interactions between superiors and subordinates helps to maintain harmonious relationships within the enterprise and also solve many problems faced during the period.
*Clarity of Goals – With MBO, came the concept of “SMART” goals (i.e. goals that are: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time bound)”

Line Item Budgets

Traditionally, budgeting has followed a simple format, a collection of expense categories (for example, salaries, and expenses such as office supplies, postage, training expenses, association dues and memberships, office furniture) associated with an accounting recording system numeric identifier (a “line item” number). Essentially it is merely a list of things you will need to purchase to keep municipal operations running. It is a simple listing of items with projected prices attached with no particular frame of reference, and usually based on what was appropriated and spent in previous years. It does not describe what is actually achieved by the expenditure of resources.There is no statement of what the appropriations will produce in any measurable way. In fact, with few exceptions, only normative measures are available. The line item budget most often reflects INCREMENTAL budgeting, providing only marginal increases in proposed expenses based on a rate of inflation or average historical percentage increase with no specific programmatic reason as a basis for the increase.
Such budget formats are deficient in data necessary to measure achievement of values in any way other than simple words. It is the height of a normative measurement. This is simply not acceptable in a time of ever growing restrictions, and actual loss, of resources to supply public services. Choices and decisions can not be made between competing demands in any meaningful way. No well run community utilizes only this type of Line Item budget. This is merely a portion of a real and useful budget document.


Program/Performance Budgeting (PPB)

With the advent of sophisticated data processing and word processing capabilities, the miniaturization of computers and the development of powerful software applications that easily perform complicated mathematical computations, there is now no reason to be limited to using only a simple line item format for modern budgeting. Indeed, the old line item budget becomes a basic structure of the Program/Performance Budget(PPB).

Operations within a particular municipal department, or between multiple departments, must be described with narrative. However, the PPB combines the necessary list of items and associated costs requested by department heads in the Line Item Budget with the central features of MBO of Motivation, Communication and Coordination between supervisors and subordinates and Clarity of Goals (as listed above).

Each level of upper management has to define the major goals departments have in conjunction with department managers, and they must also agree on the specific, measurable and realistic objectives to be accomplished within a specified time frame, or on a clearly defined continuum, for certain ongoing operations. Accepted municipal activity/output measures for every municipal function are available from communities already utilizing the PPB format. There are , in fact, a select number of communities to contact for examples of forms and activity/outputs most used and which have been the most successful (Newton, Brookline, Andover, Concord for example.) The immediate idea is to start with a "template" used by communities with decades of experience, then over time customize the format to your community's specific needs.
This then also becomes the primary information to evaluate performance of all managers and employees. The system is designed to create the basis for policy that is formulated cooperatively and clearly agreed to, and in which policy direction flows from the top (Mayor) through department heads, then down to employees. Information then flows back up through these channels to department heads eventually to the Mayor. By design, this system of information flow and communications follows the classic pyramid form, and is applicable to decentralized operations as well, because of agreed upon Goals and measurable Objectives. This system provides the most flexibility and managerial independence, but permits ongoing review of attainment of progress towards objectives by upper management. Expectations between all parties is defined and agreed to, and the agreed upon methods of measuring achievement of objectives, then goals, becomes quantifiable, with verifiable data results, not just statements of accomplishments.

The line items expenses are allocated across the various departmental programs and sub-programs identified within a department.
For example, the Police Department may have as its primary goal -

“Maintenance of the safety of citizens of the City of Fall River,”
(a summary form including the summary budget number from each objective)

With Objectives (Programs) of –
*Street Patrol (Each Objective to be defined in narrative, in a separate subsection)
*Traffic Control
*Crime Prevention
*Community Outreach
(a summary form including line item salary and expense requirements for each Objective)

with an attached record of specific activities needed to reach that goal within, for example,
* Street Patrol
-Total Officer HOURS UTILIZED
- # OF RESPONSES FROM EMERGENCY CALLS
- AVERAGE # ARRESTS MADE PER SHIFT (3 SHIFTS)

Each Objective will have a listing of line item expenses deemed necessary by department heads to achieve a stated objective which should reflect the cost of each major sub-program(if necessary) or activity output identified by the department head. These totals are folded “upward” and combined as summary totals for salary and expense items. The summary of each programs salary and expense totals are then also folded upward to the summary totals which become the salary and expense line items for a department to be voted on by the City Council, after approval or alteration by the Mayor.

In this way the line item request no longer reflects a simple list of salaries and expenses. It now is a part of a larger, publicly stated management policy and plan, agreed upon by both Mayor and their department heads, with attached time frames and indicators of relative accomplishment measured in hard numbers. It also provides an unambiguous method to serve as the primary performance evaluation of employees and department heads.

The Munis computer system the City uses has modules for just such a needed tie between the City Auditors expenses subsidiary ledger and the Budget document. The system utilizes a very well defined and specific chart of accounts (in compliance with DOR) to make designations of department , program, subprogram, and activity level appropriations and expenditures to track financial resource (line item) use in relation to goals and objectives. This makes management reports easy to produce, and the actual expenditure data can be easily downloaded into budget document templates for prior year’s actual expenditures.

Tomorrow I will discuss how all the documents listed in Part's 1 and 2 work when taken together. Also I will layout a suggested time frame and process for the budget process itself. which desperately needs to be a more open and active year round process.

THE MINIMUM REQUIRED - Part 1

For the next Mayor of Fall River, a review of the current status of the City’s actual conditions has to be made with precision and care. The City’s needs are ever evolving, are never static, and Executive Management cannot possibly make its initial decisions that will determine the fate of all the rest to follow without accurate and critical information.

THE BASICS – Part 1 Financial Documents and Management Reports

Whenever a new Mayor takes office, he/she must treat the City as a victim of a natural disaster. Various departments and operations must be reviewed to measure base line conditions, for both finance and management operations. Then a “TRIAGE” must occur, much like an emergency medical team, to determine which operations in the City have the most importance to the immediate existence of the corporate body known as the City of Fall River. It is very possible that there could be overlapping areas of importance, and that some operations that appear less critical to the casual observer than may be the actual case may be addressed before more obvious choices.

Because of the fact that available revenues have fallen below necessary expenses, finances and financial operations must be reviewed immediately. As was stated in the movie “The Right Stuff” “no bucks, no Buck Rogers!”

*Determine current fiscal year monthly actual receipts vs. expected receipts, YTD

*Obtain a detailed cash flow document, inclusive of all sources of revenue to Fall River, to be charted each month, for a period of the last five fiscal years. This should be readily available. This is critical to know the past and expected cash flow, which in turn determines short term borrowing needs to meet payrolls and other warrant approved expenses. It also allows for the appropriate property tax revenue flows adjusted for Property Revaluation years and “in year” State Aid adjustments. Such detailed cash flow planning is an absolute must to minimize short term borrowing expense, and maximum effort must be made to prevent ANY form of debt service to be assessed on the Cherry Sheet charges page. This is lazy budgeting and is a way to hide performance deficiencies in financial planning

*Debt service chart showing the actual principal and interest for each capital project and purchase requiring the use of long term (> 5 years) or short term (< 5 years) debt, inclusive of Revenue and Tax Anticipation Notes, with specific amortization pay down dates. This is required for immediate and long term cash flow and budget planning. It also should be the first device used to plan debt issuance, and calculate back the time periods by which each step in the debt issuance process must be initiated, inclusive of Bond Counsel activity and Bond Offering documents preparation in a timely fashion.

*Fixed Cost Chart, including all items that are regular occurring expenses not appearing in departmental budgets, or removed from departmental budgets for special attention, such as insurances and specific contracts, and associated time frame for payment. Of particular note is the City portion of the Group Health Insurance Appropriation. The chart should include attached addendum related to specific items on the list. For example, a breakdown by separate department portion of Group Health Insurance, based on individuals within each department, indicating the monthly deductions for each employee according to chosen plan for that employee, totaled by department and also showing the corresponding matching amount owed by the City, with both amounts deposited into the Group Insurance Claims Trust Fund no later than once per month per source. This is to ensure that all health insurance funds are deposited to the Trust Fund in a timely fashion to allow interest in the account to inure to the Trust Fund, and not the City’s General Fund. The chart can then be verified during the City's annual audit to ensure timely transfers by both parties (employees and the City) into the Trust Fund. Employees must never bear the cost of City cash flow, and the interest earned by the Trust Fund is applied to dampen the administrative expenses of the fund as well as rate increases.

*Schedule of Bid Projects/Items to detail the major projects and items requiring bidding to maintain compliance with all bidding statutes and minority hiring and bidding requirements. This ensures that needed preliminary work is well planned so materials and items can be supplied to various departments as needed in a timely fashion.

*Detailed YTD actual vs. projected Expenditure chart showing monthly actual year to date expenditures by salary and expenses for departments and expenses for fixed cost items. These charts should be updated to provide further detail for the City’s cash flow needs and for future budget and cash flow planning for the next fiscal year and out into the following four years, at a minimum.

*Detailed Revenue and Expenditure Forecast The budget is a living document. It is never static in time. It is both prospective and reflective. The future dictates current need, and past experience is the basis for future performance, in most instances. Therefore, this document is the single most important chart of how things are working right now and how you expect things to work in the future. Based on summary actual/expected revenue summary by month and actual/expected expenditure summary by month, it is the primary basis on which to make critical management decisions, and must be updated each month as ongoing revenue and expenditure data are received.


Tomorrow I will continue with a more detailed discussion of the long term Financial and Budgeting needs of Fall River.

The Next Mayor : First Things First and What To Watch For

Well, the voters of Fall River have spoken and the final push for the office of Mayor of Fall River speeds to its conclusion. Most residents of the City want change, profound change, from the decisions and methods of governance of the last two (2) years.

But even with a new Mayor in office no citizen of the City should live under any illusions. While the candidates will speak of the usual flotsam and jetsam of Fall River political campaigns (Bring in new jobs, development of the waterfront, un- earth the Quequechan River, restore all personnel reductions), the single most important objective immediately facing the new Mayor will be to “stop the bleeding” of the City’s finances, determine with public specificity the current and likely future financial outlook of the City, and engage in an ongoing education effort for City’s residents on the way City finances are managed and calculated so all residents may come to believe its managers when financial information is declared and discussed.

This must occur before all the other more “sexy” projects can get off the ground, or, in fact, even seriously discussed. The public trust in the City’s officials is required for progress. Unlike the Mayor’s phony 10% pay cut, this will truly be a shared circumstance. This will take more than the two years of the new Mayor’s first term. It must be time well spent as long as it is a concentrated effort.

The residents of the City of Fall River must be patient, because it took far more than two years to become a fiscally hamstrung community. And it will take political courage. If either candidate cannot discuss the specifics of this objective, the need for it or how they, at least in broad brushstrokes, but exhibiting sufficient detail to indicate hands-on expertise on a day to day basis, can reach it, this will be an exercise in futility for all. The new Mayor must have the ability to understand the City’s balance sheet, the correct way to build the Health Insurance Trust Fund, how to set a tax rate, the difference between incremental and program budgets, the tie between a long range Capital Improvement Plan (CIP) and the City's Operating Budget, to include the School Department, the establishment of a formal and structured public budgeting process that is a year round endeavor, and exactly how FREE CASH is determined and why it is NOT a renewable resource on which you can base ongoing operating budget appropriations.

Yes, this will be essential to the new Mayor. The candidate that has a better command of these issues will be better positioned to accomplish all the more lofty goals that will bring this City forward to its long term survival. In order to hire back Fire and Police and DPW and Education workers, restore unnecessary cuts in pay and ensure our children have a chance at making a difference in their own lives, the City’s Financial Operations must be brought into the light of day and must be understood by every person in the City. Then we can move forward as one….and not until then!

Tomorrow I will start a review of the questions and items the next Mayor needs immediately to put Fall River’s financial house in order. If anyone reading these pages has anything to add to or challenge in any way to what I propose, please be prepared to be SPECIFIC, or your comments will be expunged. That’s a trick I learned from Sea Hag Strattan.

TREASURER PATTEN AND ADMINISTRATOR CHAPDELAINE CONVINCE MAYOR CORREIA NOT TO IMPROVE CITY COMPUTING CAPACITY

The Hunt for the Great White Whale

"As the waves subside we note, for all yee intrepid mates upon the good ship FR Herald News Commentors, the lifeless body of the great fish Moby Dick. WE see the many arrowed spears thrown deep inside the hulking rancid beast that terrorized the seas and people of the Township of Fall River. Look yee to the lifeless eyes that roll without control from one side to the next as the waves of infamy wash upon it's ancient skin and take the lifeless carcass further and further to the end which only Providence could deliver. And we thank the selfless, toiling crew whose successful and endless efforts vanquished the satanic leviathan with truth and blood and devotion to their blessed task in the name of freedom from tyranny. SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS"

A salute to the much maligned COMMENTORS to the pages of the Fall River Herald News who literally, in more then a few cases, risked their careers and possessions for merely partaking of their constitutional rights to express their opinions and inform the public of what they saw as endless danger posed to Fall River by the beast known as Robert Correia and his thuggish minions. Good riddance to them all!

As I went to the FRHN site last night and received the first inklings that truth won over lies I felt a certain pride that I was one of the first clarions banned by the miserable and shameful editor of the FRHN , the Great Sea Hag Strattan. Even last night she was editing the simplest remarks made by joyful participants on the comments page. Talk about sore losers! You've been shown for the duplicitous weasel you are Madame Editor. I dare say you are now one of the last remaining bogey men in Fall River. And I am just as sure that you will do your darndest to interfere in the upcoming final election, probably becoming BFF's with the reaming incumbents in the other two races.

Hey, Meg Mayo Brown? (PFFFTTTTTT) How's that whole Mayoral lapdog thing working out for you today? (PFFFTTTTTT) I bet your secretaries keep asking each other what that strange sucking sound is coming from behind your sand bag barricaded door. It must be tough trying to sit and concentrate when your butt keeps puckering up that way! How the proverbial worm turns, eh? I hope someone called the late , great School Superintendent Nick Fischer to share the jubilee with him.....can you imagine the world class grin on HIS face today? ONE BACKSTABBER DOWN, ONE TO GO! Don't do anymore unpacking Meg chickybaby, chickysweets. You've gone from queen to ham & egger overnight. Enjoy the bumpy ride out of town. And in true gutless fashion, expect those who hoisted you up on that petard to be the very first to hang you on it!. You'll see at the very next School Committee meeting. I know I'll have my popcorn ready!

AS for Moby his BAD (and I don't mean good) self, just try to keep the skulduggery to a minimum on your way out the door. Only fools on either the School Committee or the City Council still facing re-election will allow you to do things to further hurt Fall River. Watch, you'll see. This next few months will give a whole new meaning to the term lame LAME DUCK! Your time in the spotlight ended at 8 PM last night. But hey, why waste another moment talking about your newly retired behind. Step off, small change!

Hurricane, Hurricane, Hurricane! I give your employment at WSAR about 6 months. I would also now get ready for a long and expensive criminal court probation. You are now a GIANT LIABILITY to your benefactors, the Karams and DA Sutter. The DA now has to look forward to a re-election after very publicly backing a man most people in Fall River think is a crooked Pol and a bum. Don't believe them when they tell you everything is in the bag. You ran your very loud mouth for the past two years in support of this crack-pot Mayor, and railed against the people who defeated Moby Dick including the FRHN COMMENTORS who now revel in your agony. My advice to you is to go to rehab, take a remedial reading and writing course, and find fulfilling employment far away from anything having to do with the media.

And a final salute to my brothers and sisters who regularly add their wit and wisdom to the comments sections of the FRHN. YOU made this happen. This victory is yours and the people of Fall River. There is still much work to do, incumbents to defeat, a City to save. The labor will require persistent effort and an ever watchful eye. But such eternal vigilance is the cost of democracy. And you showed the entire City exactly what the payoff can be. Thank you very, very much.

A special thanks to my friends Charlotte and Fightin' Mike the Fireman....enjoy what you have earned. I'm happy for both of you.....Hey, Wigberto!...Got my eye on you, bucko...(wink).

I will, in the very near future, start to review what I believe Fall River must begin to do to solve our financial dilemmas. So hold onto your hats Fall River, cause the Lazmanian Devil is about to start spinning!

THE GANG THAT COULDN'T NAIL STRAIGHT

Let me pose a very serious question.

Has this administration done ANYTHING right since coming into office?

Today we learn that a remodleing of space at Durfee High School has been started without any of the requisite permits , insurances or plans being filed. No inspections had been completed when Building Inspector William H. McGrady stepped on site to, probably, have a crap hemmorage of legendary proportions at what he witnessed. And at this very minute, he's probably worried about wheter he'll be a victim of the GREAT PURGER, our very own Generalissimo Correia.

"Building Inspector William H. McGrady Jr. notified Thomas Coogan, chief operating officer for the School Department, of the problem in a Sept. 2 letter. Renovations of the B.M.C. Durfee High School are underway and proceeding without proper permits, licenses and insurance for contractors performing the work,” McGrady wrote.
McGrady informed Coogan the work was in violation of state building codes and laws, and ordered all work to cease and desist."

The odd thing about this story in the FRHN was that it was not published until TODAY, a mere 10 DAYS after the discovery of what I would think would be very important news to City residents, especially parents of children attending Durfee High School! More about this in a few moments. By all means, please read on, I have only just begun to taste bile about this issue.

Where to begin when you have such a target rich enviorment. Oh, of course - The Mayor, the person who, as self proclaimed syndicate boss of the School Committee, aka Papa Gepetto, is absolutely the no room to squirm out of it, must accept all blame for this fiasco, string puller on this shabby, shameful deal. How can such a man continue as Mayor of Fall River when all he has done is to try to line his own pockets with your money, your pride, you loyalty, your peace of mind and now your blood as well. Imagine school children walking into a building where construction is going on without the benefit of wiring being checked, construction standards being verified, or plans being certified. Imagine there being no Certificates of Insurance in place in case an industrial/construction accident occurred on site, and imagine what THAT would have cost the City? Imagine a remodeling project in a public building with a person in charge having no formal construction experience what-so-ever, only knowing the ins and outs of fitting mufflers to the bottom of rusted out undercarriges of motor vehicles. I don't think that's quite the same piping used in plumbing, Mr. Coogan!
No, Tweedle Dum on the 6th Floor of City Hall owns all of this rotten butternut squash! It's his problem, just like the campaign donations probably coming from each member of the work crews on these projects are his. I wonder if any of this work was put out to public bid? Things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMMM. I wonder if all the work crews on this project come from MA, let alone Fall River? More things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMM. I mean, Mayor Moron owns every bit of this scandalous failing of the public trust. I wonder if all the members of the work crews working on this project were checked, as required by state and federal law, to make sure they were in this country legally?"...I can't hum any more!
The worst part of this debacle is that he will try to throw up the same "It's not my fault" excuses he keeps in that special closet in his office with a name plate that reads "Open in Case of Emergency". The inventory in that closet of excuses is running dangerously low Mayor "ItsNotMyFault"! Hope you know that, and are making the appropriate plans for an earlier than expected trip out of town next January.

As for Mr. Coogan, good jobs at good wages are hard to find, that I understand. You have been put into a very, very bad position sir, to work at a job for which you lack any qualifications at all. You could have at least called around to find out what you should do. If these were not project transactions completed "at arms length" you are about to be put under one extremely uncomfortable and ugly microscope. I'm sure nothing in your previous career changing mufflers was anything like the ceaseless public pounding you are about to take. (Three years as a teacher does NOT a career make, no matter what MMB and Mayor Moron say) I'll tell you to bow out gracefully now, because those who put you in this position are now going to scramble to save their own scarred skins. You are on your own, no matter what they tell you to your face. Resign and save yourself the agony of what will come. And trust me, it WILL come.

To MMB and the School Committee. What the heck were you thinking? What utter hubris! All I can say is that if any of the incumbents on the School Committee hope to escape this parade of fools they have to act quickly and assail this condemned project ASAP. Throw it back where it belongs , to MMB and the man who is riding your reputations to a cushy retirement, the meglomaniacal, despotic and paranoid Mayor Moron ( I hear paranoia in a person his age is one of the first concrete signs of senility. The other is bad car crashes without seeing the driver who you hit that also had the right of way!) It is inexcusable that you would place school children and school employees in physical danger in a place where no plans were prepared, no permits were recieved, no inspections were taking place, by workers who probably were not qualifed to do the work performed. You run a school system, not a Mayoral patronage project, even though Mr. Coogan is increasingly looking like this year's "Hack of Hacks" appointment. Shame, Shame, Shame. The best thing that can happen at this point is a complete turn-over on the School Committee - at least it would save you the ignominious embarrassemnt of having to explain what happened. IDIOTS ONE AND ALL!

And to think , all that Mr. Coogan had to do was pick up a phone and ask someone how to do his job. Or read a book or two. They certainly are there for anyone to read. It's not a secret that such public projects have stringent requirements. There are numerous publications for those involed in such projects to follow. Even in MA it's broken down for you step by step, form by form. It's easy, even Dummies can do it.

(Nope..won't say it...it's too easy and he's got a rough road ahead)

AS for the FRHN: Who can read your rag paper and not laugh at you?! You print stories long after they occur when you think the subjects of the story are out of immediate danger. That's if you like them or agree with their viewpoint. Just stop printing. No wait...I'm going to buy a canary...keep printing!

Bobbo, your time is running out...even Fall Riverites aren't THIS stupid!

The Court System Doesn't Render Justice - It Only Renders The Law

WHO FORGOT TO COVER THE CHEESE?!!!

Sad to say, but over the two and one half centuries of our country's history numerous ways have been found by those within the political and legal structure to bend and mutate justice one thinks of as applying to everyone. What has been established by actual practice, and what has been generally accepted by the American public, is that those with power, notariety or money obtain a "higher order" form of justice than the vast numbers of remaining American peons.

Unfortunatley, this appears to be the case with regard to Mike Herren. The Bristol County District Attorney has requested the assistance of the Plymouth County District Attorney in prosecuting the Bristol County case against Mr. Herren. Such a request is not very unusual. It is used in instances where the DA's office may be in some form of "conflict of interest" in a case before them. However the reason for this request may be a bit specious. The Bristol County DA Sam Sutter (forever now to be known on this blog as "Sudden Sam") claims that because of his involvement with radio station WSAR, which employs Mike Herren as talk show host "The Hurricane", he cannot, by reason of conflict of interest, prosecute the case against Herren.

However, Plymouth County DA Mr. Cruise "knows Mike is a good guy who works with youths". WHOA! Ok, this surely will be a tireless search for the truth and an exhaustive review of testimony and facts of the case. Yeah, right! This is just a heaping , steaming pile of stinky cheese my friends. Hold your nose and smell "Duh Limboigah" as the Three Stooges would say. Only in this case the three stooges appear to be the DA's from Plymouth and Bristol Counties and Mike Herren. Before that statement by Mr. Cruise, the only stooge we knew about was Herren. Live long enough and you will see something that, not shocks, but amazes you. Like how stupid the pols in this area of the state think people are!

The connections on this case are simply fascinating. Most interesting is the fact that one of Sudden Sam's Investigators, City Councillor Linda Pereira, might have an impact on the case. I know it's just a coinicidence, but Hurricane Herren just LOVES Mayor Robert "Hey guys, I just found $2 million in Cash" Correia". And who was that City Councillor that most people believe Mayor Cash Cow prompted to run agaginst Rep. Dave Sullivan as punishment for Sullivan's run against Correia for Mayor? That would be City Councillor Linda Pereira! Quel surprise! And who on the City Council thinks the sun rises and sets in Mayor Cash Cow's rear end? You're right, that same City Councillor Linda Pereira! But this game is way to easy for you, you catch on so fast!

Stinky, stinky, runny cheese! EEwwwwweeeee! That's exactly how I feel right now. This case was settled before it began. First, according to reliable rumor told to me by someone in the know, the Mayor himself called the Police Station and had entries in the station log "fudged" to protect his "convivial" vocal media mouthpiece. Then, the ex-step mom of Herren, the editor of the FRHN , prevented the timely posting of the story that Herren faces a felony charge. Herren apparently continues the behavior for which we all know him - angry, rageful drinking, harrasment of women, deranged comments, weird behavior On and Off the air ( or so I am told, I haven't seen this in person, but given his track record....), his neighborhood terrified of this feral presence who stays up until 5 AM most nights and early mornings with people coming and going at all hours of the night (how do I know this....talk to his neighbors and police!) This guy is a gun pointed at Fall River! The fact that he supports Bobby Cash Cow for Mayor tells you all you need to know.

Most elected officials REALLY only respect one thing - other people who are elected officials. You see, in their minds, they see it as your only required bona fide to join this very exclusive club. You were elected and you have the ability to get people to vote for you. This becomes a method of bartering, like wampum, only dirtier, and unseen. (Funny, that sounds like the Mafia, doesn't it!) The one with the most votes holds the most wampum, the most influence and power. They have an identifiable and moveable fan club (voters). They rule, and they wield their power like lobbyists wield cash. (But that's a whole differnt story!) Talk about influence peddling. It usually doesn't cost them a thin dime. And even if you are the richest man in the world, an elected official, say a Senator, will always hold a person who has won an election, like a Town Dog Officer, in higher regard. They are a member of the club. They have votes that can be transferred to that Senator with a simple phone call. All it might cost the Senator someday is an endorsement.

This "conflict of interest" reason is just that. Sudden Sam having to do a lousy job in prosecuting someone they don't want to prosecute, publicly, would be a conflict in his keeping the pols, and associated votes, in Fall River happy, and that would not be in his interest. To have Plymouth County handle the case and do a lousy job on purpose in prosecuting Herren is just one of those political favors these "Masters of the Political Universe" do for one another. Because you never know.....every one of these elected folks has as their driving force the idea that some day, yes some day, THEY could be elected President of the United States!(Now who is smelling stinky cheese?!)

Herren, much to his consternation in hearing this, is really small potatos. What is critical here is what is really going on. That is one politician doing another politician a favor in order to keep ALL the politicians, the ones who are friendly with one another, happy. And you never know. After the election process is over in November, after The Hurricane can no longer influence voters, he may just find himself out of a job, and facing some serious moments before a jury in Plymouth County. You just never know. Only the members of the club know. And they won't talk.

The Tale of Two Chow Meins

Never before in the annals of crime in the City of Fall River has one incident so encapsulated the fear, the dread, the pain and utter hopelessness of a community caught in the cross-hairs of grinding despair than by what occurred on the night of June 18, 2009. On that unforgettable evening the most precious resource in the life of this community was snuffed out by a bomb planted in the basement of the Oriental Chow Mein Co., completely destroying the primary food staple of an entire region.
More than that, it was the end of a way of life for literally tens of dozens of people here in the heart of Spindle City, and more than 363 heartbroken devotees of the famous, dangerous and addictive “Chow Mein Sammich” (CMS). The war that broke out between controlling criminal interests in Fall River and their hated rivals for Chow Mein Noodle supremacy in New York City was driven by a combination of gluttonous greed, reckless ambition and a hunger for raw power not seen nationally since the waning days of the questionable administration of Fall River Mayor Robert "Bobby Fat Dragon" Correia.

THE BEGINNING

The Chow Mein Sammich (hereinafter to be referred by its initials, CMS) was created by returning Korean War veterans as a cheap replacement for the “Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast” staple diet they trained on during the early 1950’s. It was at the 1951 Fourth of July softball game in Seoul, South Korea when some GI’s returning from the front lines had a burnin’ yearnin’ for the tasty, creamy treat. But breakfast at the mess halls was long since over, and all that was left at the cookout were some dry, crispy Chinese noodles, hamburger buns and watered down pork roast gravy left over from the Officer’s lunch mess. Staff Sergeant Arthur Cabral from Dighton, MA, after having consumed 23 Budweiser’s, grabbed a hamburger bun, opened it, slammed a handful of crispy noodles on the bottom, poured a generous ladle full of the pork gravy over it and, with the hamburger bun top firmly in place as a cover, pushed the wet, dripping concoction deep into his mouth. A sandwich, and fiendish vice, had been born. “We found that the crispy noodles would sop up everything…gravy, spittle, beers, rubbing alcohol, even crankcase oil in a pinch…..allowing us to absorb more and more of whatever “good” stuff we wanted” Cabral would say years later. “And it sure beat the snot out of kimchee, that’s for sure!”

With the end of the Korean conflict returning GIs tried to adjust to life without their most vital food, creamed chipped beef on toast. As U.S. meal makers labored mightily, there was no resurrecting the combination of U.S. military indifferent food preparers, industrial sized portions, scared crap-less eaters being screamed at by over zealous Drill Instructors, and the growing number of hang-over ridden GIs returning to duty after nights off base to recreate the young warriors’ favorite food. But there were literally tons of chow mein noodles and hamburger buns. And just like their forefathers in the old west almost a century earlier they made their way to Chinatown, not for opium dens, but for the quick, cheap high offered by the new deadly desire in town, the CMS.

The CMS’s ingredients were mass produced, prepared by indifferent, oft times, illegal workers in dirty, dingy kitchens with supervisors that continuously yelled in Cantonese or Mandarin at the top of their lungs, and fed an ever increasing numbers to drunken clients at 2 and 3 AM after the clubs closed and sent their denizens to terrorize the streets of every urban area in the US, but, in particular, Fall River and New York City. Indeed, these were the perfect incubator of conditions to start both a literal feeding frenzy and a burgeoning, financially lucrative underground economy. This would draw the attention of organized crime lords in both communities. And a war was born.

THE APPLE
The Gambino crime family in NYC was first drawn into the chow mein noodle business by the huge profits the noodle trade would provide. “It was easy to produce, hard to trace, highly addictive to people of questionable intelligence and little taste , so naturally it was a ready made market for the people in the immediate 5 Borough area”, said Philly “The Steak” LaChesia, retired Gambino under-boss and anonymous food critic for Zagats. “We made millions….of sammachis, or sammies, as we call them in The City. We knew we made it when we started to carry the sammies at World Famous Nathan’s on Coney Island, instead of those tired, old tube steaks. WE were about to replace the dogs with sammies for the nationally televised Fourth of July eating contest until all this mess started with those yokels in Fall River and their, whatyoumacallhim, little Bobby Fatass the Gecko, or whatevah”.

But national expansion of business was not the only issue between the two rival cities. NYC used New York style chow mein, which claimed a white appearing “gravy”. Fall River, on the other hand, utilized a local variant of chow mein, unknown elsewhere in the continental United States, which was a brown based gravy. “I mean, you want a beeuuutiful white gravy, like a white clam sauce thing, not something that looks like diarrhea on a freakin’ bun....what kind of soul-less gavone’ would eat such a thing?!!” asked LaChesia, incredulous at the idea.. He continued “It wasn’t just a business thing, it was about pride!” Now it wasn’t just a war, it would be an organized crime jihad.

WE’LL TRY
Just north of NYC lay the CMS’s most loyal consumers, located a short ferry boat ride from NYC “back in the day” as the locals enjoy saying, even when out of context and inappropriate. But that was Fall River in a nutshell, just a short ride from anywhere, out of context and completely inappropriate. What else could you say about a corrupt old seafaring New England city that went by the motto “We’ll Try” It was an inside joke to those who lived within its borders. “It means, “Hey, we’ll try to live widouht youze people not from heah”, as stated many times by a local talk radio show host named Luke Urban, aka “The Hurricane”, a known enforcer for the local entry in the crime syndicate business, the Karam Boys.
The Karam Boys specialized in influence peddling and government contract rigging, and the property development needed to launder their ill gotten gains. To accomplish this they simply did something that was possible only in a city like Fall River - they bought the politicians, all of them.
This scheme worked like a charm. After a series of figurehead mayors at City Hall, the Karams decided to crown a loyal associate named Robert Correia as their next Mayor. After the perfunctory rigged election, Correia, nicknamed “Bobby Fat Dragon” (BFD) for his love of CMS’, which he ordered a whopping 6(six) at a time, took over day to day operations in Fall River. He also fed these sammachis to his pet Komodo dragon, which grew almost as portly as he from the tasteless, calorie laden, sloppy and crunchy food. But as in NYC, the illicit trade in chow mein noodles far outstripped the profits from all other criminal endeavors combined. So BFD decided to take steps to protect the cash cow. BFD set up front businesses to cover production (Oriental Chow Mein Co.) and distribution (Mee Sum restaurant) in Fall River.
The secret of the “brown” in the brown sauce used for Fall River’s signature chow mein sammachis was known only to the highest ranking members of the Karam syndicate, and carried with it a death penalty for anyone revealing it to a soul. “Hey, it didn’t surprise me when we found out. After all, we used the chow mein noodles to sop up chunks of dried lube oil off the motor pool’s garage cement floors. When we found out the color came from the rust, and who knows what else, in the decrepit water system and pipes in Fall River, caused primarily by storm water run-off, I was not surprised…only when they said the meat and onions in the sauce were from the sewers too!” stated a chuckling Arthur Cabral. “Glad as hell I never ate the stuff after Korea!” Cabral added. “But those poor dumb bastards in Fall River were just about the type to swallow anything that BFD and the Karams fed them. Not bad folk, just plain lazy and stupid, I ‘spose.”

“FRANKIE BAGS” TAKES FLIGHT
Under normal circumstances, crime syndicates across the nation try to peacefully work out differences between each other when an issue arises, especially where a common money interest is involved. In this case, things proceeded as usual.
The Gambinos let the Karams know that, because they were there first, with the most (money, power, soldiers), and had a superior product (they felt) a tribute would have to be received, each week, to keep the peace, and money, flowing for both parties. The cowering Karams agreed. A sum of $9,999.00 each week (in order to avoid IRS complications) had to be paid, in person, to the Gambinos in NYC. Miss one payment, the Karams were warned, and there would be hell to pay.
BFD picked a trusted City Hall staff lawyer, one Arthur Frank, aka Frankie Bags, to act as go between. He told Frankie Bags “Hey, I can’t do this myself, but I got guys like you who can”. This bagman line of work was one that Frank routinely performed for BFD, and, on certain occasions, for the Karams themselves. Frankie Bags was to take some muscle with him to NYC, so BFD made sure to send the loudmouthed and obnoxious “Hurricane” with him each trip. (BFD once said of The Hurricane “He don’t need a piece, he can run his gums and bore a person “ta det” “)
Upon arrival each Friday afternoon in NYC, Frankie Bags would meet with his contact among the Gambinos, and the Gambino soldiers would baby sit The Hurricane until sometime early in the evening, upon which a return trip to Fall River was taken. Because a drop off of cash takes only a few minutes, the Gambinos arranged “entertainment” for their cash carrying guest, introducing Frank to a just turned 18 year old Hispanic hooker named “Lola”. Frank, notoriously cheap, squeezed every second possible out of his time with Lola. Eventually, the lonely Franks developed feelings for the young trollop. And this would be his, BFD’s and the Karam’s eventual undoing.
On Friday afternoon, June 5, Frank unloaded his feelings to Lola. He wanted to run away with her. He had money, he said. They could make a run for it back to her country, and make a go of it. She replied “like, sure, ok, yeah, why not, I’m not doin’ nutthin’ ”. With that, a plan had been hatched, a decision had been made.
The next Friday, June 12, Frank and The Hurricane landed in NYC, with Frank telling Hurricane, for what seemed like the fiftieth time, to “shut the F up!” Once he dropped the Hurricane with his sitters, Frank excused himself to “run to the drug store to get his suppositories” and that he would be right back. Meeting Lola at a pre-arranged location Frank and the bag containing $9,999 left for a flight to Peru. Once there, they were met by members of Lola’s family. Lola went back to live with her mother. Frank was taken to the Andes Mountains and ransomed for one million dollars by the left wing insurgent group named “PENDEJOS - NO MAS”. He has never been heard from again.
The Hurricane drank his usual fill and angered his sitters with stories of his athletic exploits, especially his brief stint at a Boston area college. Upon hearing that Frank had taken off with the tribute and one of their big earning hookers, five Gambino soldiers dragged the plastered Hurricane down the street to O’Malley’s Irish Pub, and tossed him through its plate glass window. THEN, they hurt him. He was released from Bellevue Hospital, and has not been heard from since.

JIHAD
It took little time for the Gambino’s to take action against BFD. And once the Karams heard from BFD that the Hurricane was in Bellevue and Frank had taken off to Peru with the tribute, the entire Karam clan sold off their properties to Leo ”Pop Tarts” Pelletier and his partner Gary “The Pimp” Lund for five cents on the dollar. They fled, like chickens, for their lives and back to their native Lebanon.
Immediately a call went out to the Gambino’s Chinese associate, Bruce “Big” Wang. With heritage half Chinese and half Italian, Wang was a former Navy Seal gone very, very bad. Trained in demolition, all forms of martial arts, small and large arms, even helicopter flight and maintenance, he was a one man wrecking crew. His nickname was “Big” because he loved big explosions.
In order to escape detection, Wang flew his personal chopper from NYC to Nantucket. He then swam, at night, from the island to Little Compton, Rhode Island. After spending one night in the woods, Wang, with his backpack full of nasty surprises, hiked to Fall River. On the night of June 18, Wang gained entrance to the Oriental Chow Mein Co. building by using a paper clip to pick the lock on the front door. There was no alarm system. Because the City had just laid off police officers by the dozens, there were no police patrols to worry about. Using the 50 pounds of plastic explosives from his backpack of goodies, Wang set the timer made from a Mickey Mouse wristwatch taken from The Hurricane by his sister, a nurse at Bellevue. Wang sat and drank a cup of coffee at a nearby Dunkin Donuts when he heard his trademark “BIG” explosion rock the very foundation of life in Fall River. He laughed out loud. And with one explosion, the Jihad between Fall River and NYC was over.
As was its sorry modern history, Fall River would have to “Try” yet again.




EPILOGUE

BFD was found the next day half eaten, from the head down, by his pet Komodo Dragon, who also died, from overeating, a first in history for Komodo Dragons. ‘Big” Wang had made a house call. He had tied BFD up with cooking twine (apparently, hogtied) and covered him in New York style chow mein, but sprinkled generously with Fall River made Chinese noodles. BFD never had a chance. Some say the “feast” was filmed by Big Wang for the enjoyment of his employers. Others say he filmed it for his own viewing. In any event, it was a sendoff fit for the likes of the corpulent, ambitious and generally evil ex-Mayor of Fall River. No more fun and games for either fat dragon.
The makers of chow mein noodles must now rebuild. Fall River’s water pipes are slowly being replaced. Scores of CMS addicts must now turn their bloodshot eyes south and consider NY style “sammies” to feed their addiction. And the loud and obnoxious voice of The Hurricane has been silenced.
And as for the “We’ll Try” city motto? The new one just may be “At least we’re not New Bedford”. Fall River is, as always, just a short ride from anywhere, out of context and completely inappropriate.