The Great Noodle Race ! (A Fable for Modern Times)

Fall River's Oriental Chow Mein Noodle Co. open for business


Posted Nov 30, 2009 @ 09:42 AM

Last update Nov 30, 2009 @ 02:11 PM


FALL RIVER — The familiar scent of baking noodles is wafting once more around the just reopened Oriental Chow Mein Noodle Co.

Employees are busy baking and packaging noodles after finally getting the last pieces of equipment in place late Friday. The crew, dormant since a June fire, began selling noodles in the late afternoon Friday, and officially reopened Monday morning.(source: Fall River Herld News (HN)

Well it's a great day in the City of Fall River as one of the most precious local resources has come back to life, hopefully, to stay ever open and productive.

The Oriental Chow Mein Noodle CO. reopened their doors to, not just to Fall River, but to a region, nay, an entire country waiting to feel the crunch and taste the dry dusty, hard doughy goodness that helps make the Chow Mein Sandwich into the

bland bit of cheap goodness people from coast to coast have long since been addicited to as if it were life's blood itself.

Not only is this locally created treat an early staple of fast food consumption, it literally defines a part of the City of Fall River, one that is near and dear to Fall Riverites, and became the very name for this Investigative Blog, " chowmeinsammich " because of the way natives here pronounce the iconic consumable. And it was here on "chowmeinsammich" that we first broke the REAL story behind the story of a mid summer accident which caused the firey damage

to the original Oriental Chow Mein Noodle CO. In actuallity, what occurred was a battle between local and NYC organized crime interests that literally spilled into the very kitchens of the Oriental Chow Mein Noodle CO:

" More than that, it was the end of a way of life for literally tens of dozens of people here in the heart of Spindle City, and more than 363 heartbroken devotees of the famous, dangerous and addictive “Chow Mein Sammich” (CMS). The war that broke out between controlling criminal interests in Fall River and their hated rivals for Chow Mein Noodle supremacy in New York City was driven by a combination of gluttonous greed, reckless ambition and a hunger for raw power not seen nationally since the waning days of the questionable administration of Fall River Mayor Robert "Bobby Fat Dragon" Correia."

(source: chowmeinsammich, September, 2009)

Ah yes, Robert "Bobby Fat Dragon" Correia. Who could forget the  "larger than life" persona of the corrupt moustache pete who tried to control all aspects of  chow mein noodle production in the Northeast United States. (Notice his personal business card, left) Fat Dragon's fate was an untimely end at the hand of a cruel and trained assassin and Fat Dragon's own pet Komodo Dragon.

In the intervening months since the bombing of the Fall River noodle factory by NYC organized crime interests, NYC decided it made more dollars and cents to concentrate on Wall Street and the easy money to be made from the tsunami of Federal Stimulus monies, and have, at least temporarily, let the business revert back into the hands of  legitimate owners, with the death of those who had been involved in petty criminal enterprises in Fall River, like the late Fat Dragon Correia and his principal thug wannabe "Luke Urban, aka “The Hurricane”, a known enforcer for the local entry in the crime syndicate business, the Karam Boys." If you recall, at the first hint of trouble, the Karams escaped by immediately selling their Fall River holdings for mere pennies on the dollar and went screaming hyterically through the night onto a flight to their native homeland, Lebanon.

RENEWAL

And so we arrive at today. with production once again started by co-owners Barbara and Albert Wong. "We go to production BIG TIME" said Albert Wong.  "No man from New York make me sleep with fish this time" Wong shouted defiantly. "He better bring Buce REEE with him, because me  have  meat creaver arways handy...I wiwll kiwwll him, chop-chop!" beamed Wong.

Mr. Wong, who bears a striking resemblence to bellicose North Korean leader Kim Jong Il, and sounds much like him while waving that "meat creaver" high around his head while shouting, also oversees the production of noodles for export as well.

Wong attests to the fact that he had many a sleepless night because of the previous bombing of his business by NYC competitors. However, he has expressed a real fear of having to "sleep with fish" (see, left)  in the future if the troubles start with his Big Apple co-horts, who have never really lost an interest in his incredibly fast growing successful business.
 
 

With the advent of growing markets for their noodles across the country, planned production will explode in the next twelve(12) months. Tractor tarilers hauling pallets of boxed Oriental Chow Mein Noodle CO. product, under the familar name " HOO MEE" name will soon be leaving the warehouse to replenish supplies to scores of restaurants catering to hungry and loyal chinese noodle fetishists everywhere!
"But, for those in need of a quick fix, the noodles are currently available in one, two, three and five pound bags, complete with gravy packets, Wong said. Restaurants should get their share of the noodles by the end of this week, he said"
(source:HN)

EXPANSION

But it was the OTHER co-owner of the business that caused the national commotion about Fall River's most famous food stuff. Ms. Barbara Wong is credited with the national PR campaign that led to the great rising popularity of the Oriental Chow Mein Noodle CO. product, HOO MEE chinese noodles. With her good looks and background on stage and regional dinner theater productions, she became synonomous with the HOO MEE product line, playing off her close resemblance to Nancy Kwan of "Flower Drum Song" fame. She rose to prominent national attention when she appeared in a commercial for her noodles, wearing a tight, skimpy silk sarong, holding a recognizable yellow box of HOO MEE noodles, looking into the camera and saying, in a very sultry voice and asking the provocative question " Aren't you tired of being whipped by a wet noodle? ". Then a chorus of male voices replies in unison "HOO, MEE?". Then Barbara Wong, still smiling and looking playfully into the camera says, with a wink, " YES!". Then the camera cuts to a picture of a large box of HOO MEE noodles and a background announcer says " Give your appetite for crunchy noodles a "wink" next time...buy HOO MEE, crispy Chinese Noodles. At your grocery outlets everywhere!"

What Barbara Wong knew better than anyone was that brand loyalty was HOO MEE's strongest selling point, that, and the ability of the noodle to stay crunchy no matter how much hot, tasteless brown Chow Mein gravy was thrown over them. So she decided to hit the national talk show circuit after the release of the racy commercial which served as a basis for the national advertising

campaign. First stop was NYC and the Regis and Kelly Show. She was greeted by both Regis and Kelly dressed up as boxes of HOO MEE noodles. It was gratifying, if not a comedy success, as Barbara kept being asked repeatedly by a nearly senile Regis, while still on the air LIVE, "Did ya bring that sarong with you?"  He kept trying to pinch her rear end during commercial breaks  saying "Hey lady, you wanna see my crunchy noodle?" It soon became a bore and a nusance, so much so that and Kelly put her HOO MEE box on top of Regis for the last section of the interview.

Then came the meeting with the Ladies of THE VIEW.  Barbara was unprepared for the blatant stupidity of Sherri Shepard, who had no idea what Chow Mein was, of any type or derivation, let alone the need for crunchy noodles

to make it edible. Sheppard kept mentioning how her autistic son would love the bright yellow box but that she doubted her Jehovah Witness religion would allow her to eat something that had been the cause of a nasty criminal battle across the ocean. "I just don't know anything about Fall River" she said with a straight face , while Whoppy Goldberg and Joy Behar tried unsuccessfully to surpress laughter at their friend's utter cretinous statements.   " But our producer for this story said there is a bridge to it that stretches from a place 150 miles away from New York, called Somerset,  all the way over to Fall River in Portugal. That's a mighty long bridge...How come I never heard of that long a bridge, I wonder? " Then the audience exploded in laughter, and they cut to a commercial. That was the end of Barbara Wong's appearence on the View.

A much friendlier host and audience was found

on the EMERIL program due to Emeril's long history with Fall River and familiarity with the product. While they had never before met, Barbara Wong and Emeril hit it off, so much so that there was talk of the couple cheating on their spouses in US Magazine , with doctored photos from the program, showing the pair arm in arm, caught while uttering the phrase "HOO MEE" at the same time. The picture looked as if the "couple" were puckering for a kiss, when in actuallity they were in the middle of the word "HOO". Such was the life of an international icon and food scion. Or, as Emeril wold have said," BAM"!

Finally, it was decided to make a true nationwide push to expand market share with a contest, to be followed and broadcast daily on the Regis and Kelly Show.  There was to be a foot race across country, with each contastant pulling a Chinese Rickshaw across various regional routes across the Unites States. The catch was that the rigs would be painted with HOO MEE colors and replica's of boxes of noodles on the sides, with each contestant having 5 cases of HOO MEE noodles to deliver to chinese restaurants around the US that did not yet order HOO MEE noodles! The winner's of each regional route would then travel to Las Vegas where the Regis and Kelly Show would broadcast , live, the final Rickshaw footrace down the legendary VEGAS STRIP, delivering the HOO MEE noodles to Chinese buffet's within the various high end hotels and properties in Vegas, all expenses paid for the contestants for the week, of course. The ultimate winner won a week in Hawaii and a week in HONG KONG,  again all expenses paid.

Everything was going as planned on the last leg of the race in Vegas when Regis and Kelly started to receive, live on the air, reports that the very first restaurants where the noodles had been delivered actually caused mass chokings of those partaking of the crunchy Fall River treat. Apparently, with no humidity and mid-summer temps hitting 125 degrees at noon-time, no one had thought of the impact of such heat on noodels carried on Rickshaws for several days. The noodles had the consistency of thick wood splinters when devoid of any moisture at all. Many customers had to undergo surgery to stop internal bleeding as hastily eaten noodles acted like swallowed, open safety pins and had punctured several individuals esophogi and upper intestines, causing life threatening injury, let alone deep psychological scarring in those people.

So, in true Fall River fashion,  infamy was delivered from the hands of bountiful success, and HOO MEE noodles remained just a regional treasure. In the end, isn't that way it's suppossed to be?

Good Luck to  co-owners Albert and Babara Wong!

" IT'S NOT A TRUNK...IT'S A PLAYGROUND!!!!!! "

Father accused of locking kids in trunk
"  Police: Children in car trunk for several minutes-
Updated: Thursday, 26 Nov 2009, 3:41 AM EST
Published : Wednesday, 25 Nov 2009, 5:51 PM EST

Darren Soens
Kathryn Sotnik

FALL RIVER, Mass. (WPRI) - A Fall River father is accused of locking his two young children in the trunk of his car.
Only Eyewitness News was there, as 35-year-old Michael Monahan was arraigned on child endangerment and assault charges Wednesday.
Police say Monahan put his kids, ages 3 and 6, in the trunk of his Pontiac Trans Am for several minutes while he went inside a Fall River sailing shop to run an errand Tuesday morning.
According to court records, Monahan told investigators the boys like to play in the trunk. But police charged him with two counts of assault and reckless endangerment of a child.
He pleaded not guilty and was released on cash bail.
The children are now in the custody of their mother. "

Now...what REALLY happened................................

(R)Reporter: " Mr. Monahan...Mr. Monahan....can we get a statement from you, sir ?....why did you leave your kids in the trunk of your car, sir?!
(M)Mr. Monahan: Leave them in the trunk of my car?....you, sir,  are sorely mistaken sir! Your viewers need to know the truth!
R: But the DA's Office claims you abused your kids by putting them in the trunk of you car, sir! what have you got to say for yourself?!
M: Nice coif, by the way, cupcake...My kids love the trunk of my '96 Chevy Caprice...Did you know that the guys on Federal Hill call this version of the Caprice "The Butcher's Bin", because the trunk is so large that you can put an entire betting Parlor's worth of Irish Truf Accountants in there...you're a Providence station, you fellas should know this, I would think.
R: Ahh...Interesting and colorful information sir, ah...just why were the kids in the trunk?!
M: The kids won't come out once they are in there...it's sort of a community thing now.
R: Community thing? What on earth do you mean? (aside to camera man "Are you rolling?....this should get us on "EXTRA").

M: I mean, the kids love this trunk....it's not just a trunk, it's a playground, a veritable cornucopia of kids activities...they BEG me to stay in the trunk...look, they've got virtually everything a kid could want in there!. They really love the playground set with the swings and slides!
R: Swings and slides? What the hell are you talking about?!
M: I'm talking about staying active and healthy...I'm talking about no video games or gang bangers or drugs....You think you can leave your kids outside alone to play today here in Fall River? Huh?  You got kids guy? Wait, why am I askin' you, your haircut alone must cost $150 guy...you definitely do not have kids!
R: Stay on point, Archie Bunker, OK? I'm trying to get your side of the story!

M: Sorry that I digressed...what I mean is I picked that year of that car because it had a trunk about the size of an aircraft carrier...when the kids aren't in school, I keep them busy and happy with all kinds of activities....you name it, they got just about everything...right now, they LOVEEEE the bowling alley in the far right corner of the trunk! It's only two lanes, so when the neighborhood kids come over , that have to learn to share, which can be dicey, but they...negotiate the way kids negotiate these things...it's fun AND a life learning experience!

R: When the neighborhood kids come over?
M: Of course...we have block parties, sing carols at Christmas...you know that even the parents get in on the action....once the kids let one of those

parents get a hold of their skateboard, forgetaboutit! That skateboard course is one of the favorite summertime activities... the whole family digs it...that's in the far left corner of the trunk...near the slight rust hole in the top..need something to let the barbeque smoke escape, you know.
R: Hey Monahan, you're full of it...Why didn't you tell the court all this during you're arraignment?

M: I do what my lawyer tells me to do...the parents in the neighborhood took up a collection and.....well let's just say that after we invite a few of the local pols to see the panetaruim and meet with the parents group...you know, a few soda's around the sandbox, while the younger kids babysit and th......
R: Planaterium?...sandbox?...Stop filming, stop filming, we're done here...what a jokester Monahan...thanks for wasting our time!

M : I'm not wasting your time...we got a planaterium...we also use it as a meeting place for lectures, films, and of course, the Astronmy shows on weekends...car can't be moving...ruins the internal mechanism on the projector...it's an IMAX you know....great for these dog and pony shows...we're trying to get Deval to come down and give us some of that stimulus money....we want to expand and modernize the concession stand, put more neighborhood kids to work! The planetarium is way back in the middle of the trunk, and encroaches underneath the back seat...where the speakers are for the surround sound...unreal, too.....MIT designed them.

R: Tell me the truth Monahan. I bet if I get your jacket from the DA's Office it will show me a bust of two for confidence games and forgerey, right? I mean, I should hook you up to a lie detector just to embarress you but it would electrocute you as soon as it was attached to your lying, sweaty skin!

M: No, you must be talking about  Mayor Correia, hahaha, sorry, couldn't resist a little Fall River humor there...I'm not lying at all...my kids love it in that trunk! Why wouldn't they... you just refuse to believe what IS....you want to block this possibility out of your mind completely.....what a sad, little man you are, mister...I was going to show you the Men's room , and how we use the catalytic converter and heat from the exhaust system to recycle, but not now.....as far as I'm concerned, you can hold it until you get back to the station......I've got an interview with OPRAH in ten minutes...oh YEE of little faith....now get out of my way....I have to pull my kids off the teeter-totter...that's in the left corner of the trunk if you care...got to comb their hair...who knows...we just might get a reality TV show now that "John and Kate plus Eight" is dead....next time I buy a Chevy Van....maybe I can put in a driving range in that one...something for Dad, you know!

Ol' Hamhocks Memorial Hot Dog Stand and Crapper! Oh , Yes, How Very Fitting Indeed!!!

Yes , he most ceratinly did. (referring to the cartoon -right) I will not be surprised if we find out Ol' Hamhocks had a privy privy put into place just for his pretentious "Royal" MOON, and that the seat was one of those U.S. Defense Department jobbies that usually run around $20K a pop. After all, we didn't re-elect him, so his Michael Jackson-like petulant spending spree on construction deals continues unabated. I guess you have to be able to feel some shame before you can know it. That's why he feels NO SHAME. He doesn't recognize it. Not when all of his supporters/hangers on/patronage crew still haven't completely accepted his total and complete rejection by the City's voters at the polls. How is this for shame you incompetent, bad driving joke of a spendthrift. YOU MUST HAVE REALLY SCREWED THE POOCH BECAUSE YOU ARE THE FIRST MAYOR IN MODERN FALL RIVER HISTORY NOT TO BE RE-ELECTED. YOU WERE SO LAME YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE FINALS. BITE DOWN HARD ON THAT ONE YOU SHAMEFUL FOOL!

I watched this immortal horses ass play with Joe Martin  at the School Committee Meeting the other night when Joe simply wanted to voice some concerns about the issue of "Retirements". Then this cretin of a soon to be gone Mayor acts as if the only thing he knows is a certain couple of pages of  "Roberts Rules of Order". What a monumental phony. He cannot tolerate anyone going against him on anything. IT'S  A TRULY INSECURE MAN WHO CAN LISTEN TO NO ONE ELSE'S OPINION.  Just an obstinate ASS! I didn't vote for you two years ago because when I worked at DOR years ago we used to make jokes about what sort of a moron you were, known widely as the least effective and knowledegable man in the entire State House by those who knew all that went on there. Your only claim to state wide fame was when Howie Carr of the Boston Herald skewerd your rear end in one of his famous "Hackarama" articles. I am so glad you are gone so that I no longer have to spit on the ground and make the sign of the cross each time I discuss what goes on down here with those I know still working in municipal management and finance. Six more lousy weeks of pain. I hope Will has already arranged to have your office fumigated after your stinky behind is out the door. ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(Whew...now I feel so much better!)

The entire process for this issue has been a complete sham. Glad handing City Council members, many of them who would be better off playing the "Glory Days" tape inside their heads before voting on high school athletics issues, gutless followers of fashion also on the Council, yes-men who work for DUH MAYAH (have any of you guys ever said NO to this guy? EVER? Women like that you know - men with
an actual pair of testicles, that is) and an unknowing public who understand so little about the financial situation in their City that they allow such stupidity on a regular basis.

Only one City Council member saw fit to oppose this expenditure of funds. Appeals to let the new Mayor make the call on this item went nowhere. Even allowing these funds to be used as a reserve to fund probable school building repairs were ignored. NO, not one person offcially suggested applying the left over construction funds against the debt outstanding on the project, lowering the City's debt service by that amount plus additional proportional interest debt, saving the taxpayers upwards of a cool half million budgeted dollars over the life of the loan! Think about that the next time you drive by the athletic fields and see where the "Royal" buttisimo wants to take a  never ending dump all over you. And you approved it because you elected them!
 Hey folks, I voted for one, count 'em, one incumbent for City Council . So I own NONE of what just happened at the last Council meeting. Enjoy what the Shlock just cooked up for you, to paraphrase another great sports ACTOR , because you voted for this collection of morons, psychopaths and mental defectives, not me! But I tell you what, I'll gladly supply the red and white corn stalks! (see pic above)

Then, of course, came the discussion of the specifics of the building. Most of these type of structures have more than one purpose. Usually a central part is the storage of athletic equipment closer to the playing fields. This became a point of discussion, the size, style and functionality of the propsed structure.

Would it be a cinder block or red brick facing. Would it be simply toilet facilities and concession stands, with a small storage area, or just concessions and toilets or a large storage are with the other two central functions as well. MY oh my, decisions, decisions. You mean to tell me this was not decided BEFORE the amount was suggested then approved ? I don't get this.....why be concerned with the type of outside finish if you've got carte blanche' to spend?

This was a "rush to judgement" without Marcia Clark and OJ. I still don't understand why a concrete (no pun intended) proposal, for a structure of X feet by X feet, and including the following X functions, and with attached price tags for each version, was not available.  Nothing this current Mayor does makes sense in the normal world. Not since day one  in office has this guy done anything for this City that did not have a self aggrandizing scheme or motive attached. He has made certain that he profits in some form or fashion, wheter it be votes, power or "contributions", from every possible decision he made and still makes.


Well, Mayor-elect Flanagan will have his hand full with this cast of City Council characters. Will, don't trust a single one of the many folks who also hold elective office in  Fall River. I think you are smart to "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer", if the Transition Team is any indication. You and I both know that one, maybe two, guarenteed future opponents are sitting there just waiting for your first back step. To hell with them all. Do your thing your way. Most of them are weak sheep anyways, as the discussion and vote over "L'affaire Dunghouse" indicates. True politicians...wave greenbacks needing to be spent under their noses and they become insatiable ass kissers. How very sad indeed.

Will, if you become a Profile In Courage, you will no doubt be standing alone on a lofty perch somewhere. I sincerely hope it will be on top of City Hall and not on top of the "Ol' Hamhocks Memorial Hot Dog Stand and Crapper". Could you eat a hot dog from that stand after knowing what you know? It's sure to be a very expensive Hot Dog...and Crap!

MORE FUN WITH PICTURES PART 4 !!!

In yet another sign of a struggling economy, Santa Claus "permanently furloughed" his enire crew of reindeer. In it's place, Santa purchased a surplus British Harrier Jump Jet and inserted a glowing red light in the aircraft's nose. Upon descending onto a roof top, Santa will dangle 12 elves so their moving legs will appear to be the legs of reindeer running, once a set of blinking red lights, green , red and gold lasers and smoke machine help authenticate the desired illusion. Santa was concerned for the kids and demanded this be a feature of the Jet. Merry Christmas and a Happy Las Vegas to you too Santa!

The Spirit of Christmas

TRUDY COXE,
executive director of The Preservation Society of Newport County

Coxe knows her way around Newport. She lovingly lords over the fabled mansions, and knows just where to entertain guests over the holidays.

‘‘I bring them to ‘Christmas at the Mansions,’ which we’ve done for 16 years: The Breakers, Marble House, The Elms, all decorated in holiday splendor, and on Dec. 19, they’d be my guests at the annual holiday dinner-dance at The Breakers, one of the best events all year,’’ Coxe said.

Thousands of poinsettias adorn the three mansions, along with evergreens, wreaths, and 19th-century ornaments, with dining tables set with period silver and china and great halls, bedrooms, and sitting rooms coming to holiday life.
Such holiday decorations take liberties with history, however.
‘‘These houses weren’t used in winter, they were closed down’’ when owned by the likes of the Vanderbilts, Coxe said. ‘‘The decorations are our fantasies, so we’re not being accurate. But we are having fun.’’
— Paul E. Kandarian, Globe Correspondent
(Ira Kerns/The Preservation Society of Newport County)
 
 
This was one of the entries for an article in the Boston Globe, where various correspondents asked a few famous Bostonians where they like to spend time with friends and family, especially those visiting from out of town, at Christmas. Since Thanksgiving will be upon us this week, I thought I'd not only start the enjoyment of the REAL holiday season, but get the drop on the Fall River Herald News in laying out some of my own views on this time of year.
 
I look at that picture of  Christmas at the Mansion's displays and THAT was what I thought Christmas was all about as a child. Maybe I spent too much time enjoying The Nutcracker, but to me, to see the greens of the tall-as-the-ceiling trees, bedazzlling with ornaments and tinsel and a Golden Star on top, lots of red and gold everywhere, and a huge stack of brightly and smartly wrapped presents under the tree made Christmas the day of the year I looked forward to the most. And of course , there had to be those Christmas songs always playing in the background too, with lots of repeats for any song by Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby with the occassional Arthur Feidler led Boston Pops along for the "Sleigh Ride". Whenever I closed my eyes that's the Christmas I used to want to see.  Maybe a couple more times I'll get to enjoy that kind of Christmas, IF my kids progress with their lives, which I'm sure they will, and they marry and have their own children, which I am also sure they will, eventually.
 
As a child my Christmas day was not much like my dream picture. It cannot be when one of your parents is an alcoholic. It's a better than normal day, however. You TRY to live in the spirit of joy and love and happiness, and enjoy your loot and booty,  but it's kind of  tough when Mom's not speaking to Dad, whose been sucking down Highballs since 7 A.M. , eyes and nose are redder then Rudolph's and your aunt and uncle are coming by with more booze. It was family tradition I grew to loathe as I grew older. And I began to grow angry that we could not even have a decent Christmas day, not one. Hell, I thought, even Tiny Tim had a nice Christmas at home, and he was a cripple! I didn't know it then, but so was I.

I think the turning point for me was the year my family moved from Dorchester, a part of Boston, to the, at the time, very rural community of Walpole. I'm 12, I barely know many other kids and 12 is one awful age to be "the new kid", my dad is a raging drunk, he lost his job, and to top it all off, we live in the woods. Or at least it seemed like the woods to me having spent my entire life in Boston.
One day I made the mistake, a couple of weeks before Christmas, to ask if we were getting a Christmas Tree. Can't possibly have Christmas without a tree I thought. Without missing a drunken beat, my dad put on his coat and gloves and disappeared for about 15 minutes. He then walked into the living room with, no word of a lie, a badly filled out small tree just like the one to the right. It was about 5 feet high and an entire air wing from WWII could have flown through the openings between the branches.  He had cut the tree down from our backyard. My Dad had even fashioned a base from four small pieces of wood laying around his workbench area. Dad's work done for Christmas. You could tell because he never came up for sober air again that year. I swear I looked just like Charlie Brown when I saw that "shrub" of a tree. It was a lousy sapling.  I had no desire to decorate it. I just grew sullen and angry.
Right then and there I decided to never let thet happen again. The next year I shoveled snow in the neighborhood, and then with my best friend,  around  town, and earned enough to buy a very big and very full Christmas Tree. I worked hard to make Christmas the best I could from that day forward.  But I was never really wildly happy.

AS I grew older and graduated college and grad school, and became married with a home of my own, I finally had the resources to do Christmas  the right way, or so I thought. Yes, I gave my wife great presents, then my kids. I spent far too much tagging trees, buying things to dececorate the house and entertaining people. But that hurt kid never went awway. Every Christmas, it seemed, was bittersweet. Some memories of the past just never leave you. You simply have to learn how to live your life around them, and not dwell on them, especially if to do so gets in the way of others enjoying their day. Adult responsibility makes it possible for everyone to keep the spirit of the day possible. Thank God I've learned that now. Today, I enjoy Christmas for what it is supposed to be, for me and those around me.

My daughter is working extremly hard while at college. She sent me an email asking, among other things, what I want for Christmas. I told her all I really wanted was to see her, that it would be present enough for me. I meant it. I 'm pretty sure she knows it too.
So when I think of Christmas today, I can close my eyes and not linger on the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, or my Dad laid out plastered on the living room sofa, or of having nothing but bittersweet holidays until just a few years ago because I did not understand what was truly important in my life. I faked a lot of things in my life, and being joyful around the holidays was one of them. Not anymore. Now when I close my eyes and think of Christmas I can see that  room filled with gold and green and red of all sorts and shapes, a glorious twinkling scene, a magical day. But what I FEEL, is gratitude to be with my kids  and my loved ones simply enjoying a love filled, care free day when we can all be together because that is what we want . Presents given and received mean so much more now than they ever did. And I can honestly say that I look forward to Christmas even more than I did when I was a young man. I know what to treasure now. That's a present I gave to myself.

THERE ARE A BUSHEL OF STORIES IN THE NAKED CITY

This story was posted on the Fall River Herald News(HN) website last night at  10:03 P.M.

" Cobs nab trio after alleged robbery.
By John Moss
Herald News Staff Reporter
Posted Nov 19, 2009 @ 10:03 PM
--------------------------------------------------------
Fall River — .Three people were arrested Thursday after they allegedly held up a 24-hour convenience store, then tried to rob another one moments later, police said. "


Now, we know given the atrocious reporting and editing eminating from the HN lately that they meant the Police - cops - arrested the culprits....But imagine, just for a second if their staff of cub reporters MEANT to report "COBS".........
NEWSFLASH:
Fall River police today announced that due to extensive cuts in manpower, the City would follow the lead of the School Department and hire, on a permanent basis, the best available vegetables, at the lowest possible prices, to plug patrol gaps across the City.
While these vegetables have just graduated from an advanced training section at the Police Academy, they are said to be full of vitamins and fiber and should do a fine job. Mayor Robert Correia said :
   "I'm so glad to be able to leave the City in the capable hands of the best that the Framers Market has to offer. Local produce is the best produce, and it's a great thing to leave local jobs in the hands of local veggies. That's what I call home grown excellence! No better example of " Pride, Citywide" exists. And while as most of you know that many of my own family members are vegetables, none will be serving in the Fall River Police Department, although several have been Court Officers for some time. And the best part is, if these vegetables don't work out, we can always eat them later!"

 The following photos of prospective officers were taken at Academy Graduation Day:


The Director of the Academy stated that Corn Cobs made the best street officers for patrol purposes because of their heavy fiber thickness and ability to loose kernels without losing effectiveness. Brussel Sprouts (above, left) made the best shift comanders because no one liked them and they were best when they were "sauced".
Finally, minorities like Red Hot Peppers (below, left)  provided a certain spice to the Vegetable mix and also appealed to the Bi-lingual elements in the City.

There is little doubt that this decision is a positive one, especially with the younger, more health and weight concerned educated population in Fall River, primarily found in the Arts Overlay District. Future hires being considered are Bean Sprouts and Bok Choy given the City's growing Asian population. It is expected that these new officers would head up a new Computer and Information Crime Bureau. Old standby's like Lettuce are considered simply not up to the rigors of the job, and are thought to be suceptable to wilting under pressure when the heat was turned up! Whatever Vegetable is chosen, the Academy is expected to filter out those that cannot stay fresh and crisp under ANY conditions!

All we can say is it's great to have you on board with this City's Public Safety contingent. One other thing....they won't cost the City a dime for Group Health Insurance, except, of course, if they are kept in the dark too long. That should not be a problem, as they are needed immediately. So let's give these peppy veggies a warm Fall River welcome! Now, be careful out there!

The Same Old Same Old

You want to know where our soon-to-be-EX fearless leader learned all he knows about back door, steal all you can get your grubby hands on, politics? That's right, while serving all those years, dug in like an Alabama Tick, in the Great and General Court of Masschusettes. That's the way they like to be described, these "keepers of the public trust". HA! In Ol' Hamhock's case, it describes a go-along, get-along state rep. 

So it should come as a shock to absolutely no one that a couple of weeks after Gov. Patrick announced cuts for many sacred cows in order to balance the State Budget for the current fiscal year, and avoid cutting Local Aid and cause mass confusion and unmitigated pain to everyone, the Good Old elected boys and girls of the Great and General Court voted to restore most cuts made in their most important institutional areas. They sure take care of their own, and I don't mean their constituents. How nice, yet, how predictable. Sure, we'll make sure there are more cuts to the poor and the handicapped and to certain municipalities receiving PILOTS (payments in lieu of taxes), of which Fall River is one, and we'll do it well after the fact and like thievs in the night, which, in fact, is what we are. Just ask Rep. Mike Rodrigues and the lawyer I'm sure he's had to hire due to his questionable handling of the Ticket Re-Sale bill the feds are sniffing around about thanks to a pissed off Suffolk Superior Court Judge!

"All told, lawmakers restored about $24 million in cuts made by Gov. Deval Patrick to make up a $600 million budget deficit. The spending includes $4.1 million for probation - a patronage haven riddled with lawmakers’ kin. (source: Boston Herald)"

Oh, and they also restored those two state holidays that are only for Suffolk County  state and municipal employees, Bunker Hill Day and Evacuation Day, a cost of $18.8 million very small and hardly ever missed dollars. I mean, what harm could restoring those two holidays do, right?

"House Ways and Means committee chairman Charlie Murphy defended the $18.8 million restored to the legislative account, pointing to $5.5 million in cuts to the legislative budget this fiscal year.

“We’re not feathering our nest by any means,” Murphy said."

Heck, these boondock saints already gave at the office. I mean, you can take one look at our own crew of members to the Great and General Court and see how they deprived themselves and their families of so very, very much during their years of dedicated public service. Hell, doesn't everyone drive a new Caddy or BMW? Don't you hire your own family members and close friends to work in YOUR businesses? So, why are you ungrateful lot complaining? Such a deal you get from us, I'll tell you!

So, in order to leave these freedom warriors alone, more cuts will have to be made to the poor, to uninsured  kids needing health care, to the mentally and physically handicapped so that some moron legislator's "too dumb to get a real job" relative can bag a good job at good wages at the Probation Department, you know, a lifetime sinecure at our expense. Now that's some real injustice if you ask me.  But they never ask you and me, do they? We, clearly, are not important enough to know what's good for us.

I'm SO glad these boondock saints are looking out for us, aren't you?

Just Take My Wallet you Collection of Monkey Asses!

Well, I'm so glad that the big, huge red monkey's pittoot shown above appears to be shaped like a heart, because what is about to happen at the School Department must have been a real labor of love for School Superintendent Meg Mayo Brown. I mean , it's not everyday you get to send  $10,000 to an old friend for work they have already done. Just look at what I wrote yesterday in my "Quick Hits" entry:

" Why is there such a need to hire Northeastern University for $27,000 worth of consultants at the School Department, admittedly out of Title I Grant funds, to construct a "District Five Year Startegic Plan" and "developing readiness schools" in Fall River , and also $10, 000 to a Ms. Jennifer Unger for consulting services to "Facilitation of the development of District Improvement Plan". Could it be that MMB, who is attending the PhD program at Northeastern, is trying to buy her way into a PhD, or possibly granting contracts to friends in either case? I'm simply asking a couple of questions here! I do so because a whole bunch of the School appropriation was used to bring into School Adminsitration higly paid adminstrators at the expense of teaching and other positions! Don't those administrators know how to administrate? Are they also friends of MMB? These are serious questions that require answers. From one patronage swine to another, apparently. Ahhh, the legacy of Ol' Hamhocks continues before the body has left the building. "

When I wrote that, it was more than just a "WAG", to use a Public Finance term of art I learned on the job. ( "WAG" was used to describe a projection of revenues that lacked necessary data to verify it's accuracy - "WAG" ='s WILD ASS GUESS). It was based on over 20 years of experience in the public sector and having seen things done 1,000 different ways. But the one's that immediately catch you are the one's, the really arrogant and stupid one's, that stick out like sore thumbs, and are easy to read, once you know the types of political actors involved. This is one of those things. Trust me when I tell you this is nothing new at all. It is far too common across municipalities everywhere. I'm sure it's been happening here, with this particular cast of characters, for some time. It's what happens when arrogance born of unfettered power meets opportunity. Imagine my complete lack of surprise when I was sent this by a friend who saw the entry online today:

" sdunn599

6 hours ago

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Unger is an old pal of MMB's from the DOE. How do we spell nepotism???

Unger already trained many administrators to write these plans, but then they were fired!

All they need to do is substitute the new data into Unger's original plan, but that would mean no money for Unger.):

And yes MMB is getting a ED.D from Northeastern (in Swansea). Then we can pay HER more!

QOB- these people would never make it in a classroom! "

Someone on the inside is talking....Nice...real nice! Why don't you just take my damn wallet! No, take ALL of our wallets, and just dump them out! The contents are yours. You want them, take them. Lying swine...absolute lying swine are the worst creatures in a municipality. Arrogant lying swine are unacceptable. WE got rid of one of them via vote. Why are we allowing another great thief to stay and continue the tradition? How stupid are we?

 

You and I both know this woman was involved in Dr. Fischer's show trial and demise here in Fall River - you'd have to be a granite head not to know this! We also know that morale among real teaching professionals in the system is at an all time low. Funny how it lines up so well with her being Superintendent. High paid adminsitrators, many no doubt personal friends of this phony, unable to administer or complete the planning required to satisfy the requirements of the DOE plan! I mean, this "close buddy" hiring is more than predictable - it's her pathology, it's how she manages. We get rid of one tyrant, but now we have to suffer through his progeny. Let's not replace those teachers who jumped ship because they saw the handwriting on the wall, no, let's fill the schools  with more unqualifed temp friends of friends to keep our kids stupid and hopeless. After all, what's a year when you have a " woman with a master plan". I'm sure she's waiting for her buddy to come up with suggestions, no doubt given to Ms. Unger by  "Daughter of Satan" Mayo Brown, to accomplish the hiring of more of her permanent automotons, fresh graduates of Northeastern and UMass/ Dartmouth (to satisfy the local yokels) to create a system she can control that "will live for a thousand years". Sounds too much like the Third Reich to me! AND YOU ARE PAYING FOR IT ALL!

Where is the School Committee in all this? Just where they were for the last two years, knowing in their hearts that this is so wrong, yet frozen in fear, not of Ol' Hamhocks, but of the reckoning that no doubt awaits the end of the Crazy Train when it smashes into the station a year or two down the track! To late to change tracks now! They will let this process run until Daughter of Satan screws up bigtime and then complete their own "Night of the Long Knives" on MMB. This also is quite predictable. My proof?...Just take a glance back to just a little over a year ago! And Fischer ALREADY had HIS Ed.D...and we didn't even have to pay for it! Yeah, that's right. If ya didn't know, as part of her contract we get to pay for MMB's ED.D. But that's OK...I'm told getting one at Northeastern's Swansea location is a lot like passing one of those degree programs for an online school. I guess that fits though. Fall River has been faking it's Schools for a long, long time. Why change now. Besides, after emptying our wallets, there's no change left.

MORE RARE THAN THE FABLED CHUPACABRA

"Fall River School Committee plans special meeting
By Will Richmond
Herald Hews Staff Reporter
Posted Nov 17, 2009 @ 01:05 PM
FALL RIVER —
The School Committee will hold a special meeting on Monday, Nov. 23, to discuss recommendations for the position of interim recovery chief financial officer.The meeting is scheduled to take place at 6:30 p.m. at the Henry Lord Middle School, 151 Amity St. The position is required as part of the state mandated recovery plan to improve the school system.

The interim hire is expected to address issues identified in the district’s accountability and Massachusetts School Business Officials reviews and lead the recruitment and selection process for a permanent CFO. The interim person will also aid in the transition once a full-time employee is selected for the position. Raquel Pellerin has served as the school department’s interim CFO for about a year and half."

Ah yes, Ms Raquel Pellerin. Fall River native, graduate of UMASS/Dartmouth for both undergraduate and graduate degrees, MBA, and all around utility player for both the School Department and City Hall. Moves easily between the City Auditor's Office (accounting clerk) to the School Department (Grants administration) all the way up to the position of Director of OMBA, ol' Hamhocks Office of Management, Budget and Accountability, three terms I thought were mutually exclusive from ol' Hamhocks running of the Mayoral Office for the last two years.

Yes, I'm right. After a brief review of even briefer attempts by ol' Hamhocks' Administration to provide real management, meaningful , timely and transparent budgets, and most critically, not being able to be accountable for a damn thing , I must say they are most certainly mutually exclusive entities! And to top it off, Rocky Racoon Pellerin was not only hand picked by ol' Hamhocks to fill this position created for her, but she is the very same Manager under his control that keeps waffling on whether there is a deficit in this years (FY10) School Budget. Hence my moniker for her, the Schizophrenic School

CFO. (There's a deficit, there's no deficit, THERE'S A DEFFFFFIIICITTT, NO! THERE'SSSSS NNNNOOOoooooOOOOO DEFIIiiiiccciiittt) Just like Ed Muskie in Hunter S. Thompson's classic work "Fear and Loathing On the Campaign Trail", methinks Rocky would do well to obtain some of Ed's IGOBAINE and return to normal!

"Fall River Excellent" is the term that MUST be used to describe Rocky's ability to screw everything up that she touches. Her parents must have been faves of ol' Hamocks, that I can tell you. I'm still kinda curious about the aborted attempt at coming to terms with Freetown at the beginning of 2008 for that Town Accountant position. That's usually a sign that someone with these advanced degrees wants out of a bad work situation....Could that have been...with Dr. Fischer? Who knows, all I know is that Ms. All World financial genus wanted to work for that paragon of management excellence, the Town of Freetown, you know, that "impressive" little town next door with the "colorful" Freetown State Forest.

Maybe she wanted to search the State Forest for the elusive and legendary CHUPACABRA in order to make sense of the loss of life surrounding the forest in Freetown.

" The elusive creature known as the Chupacabra has been commonly reported in parts of Mexico and Latin American communities throughout the last 50 years. The name's translation is "goat sucker" as farmers would find their cows sucked dry of blood after witnessing a Chupacabra.
The way the creature in the above video is hunched over, suggests that this could in fact be the world's first video of a real life Chupacabra.
Notice the large slanted eyes and appearance similarities to the alien grey. Is a Chupacabra a primitive form of extraterrestrial on the loose ? We are keeping our eye on this one! "

Yes, a perfect explanation for all that job jumping. It's not banal favoritism, aggressive opportunism or even tasteless patronage going on here, it's the use of her advanced degree to do the hallowed work of sacred science, to search the primeval forests and nether regions of Southeastern Massachusetts for the elusive and dangerous CHUPACABRA! And what other municipality could be considered more primeval and nether on the Southcoast than Fall River! I have been far too harsh! She blinded me with science! (BEEP_BOO_BOOP)! I have it all wrong! Silly me indeed.

But wait...what could be more rare the the elusive CHUPACABRA, you ask? Could it be....yes, it just might be.......YES DEFINTELY...it's the fabled "Nationwide Search for Qualified Candidates" for the permanent CFO position, something not seen on the Southcoast, or Fall River, for decades. Long thought to be extinct, proof of it's existence will be tested in the next year or so by the Fall River School Committee and the very impartial and scientific Rocky Racoon Pellerin.

And if you really believe that the fix for that job hasn't already been made, that would be more rare than the fabled CHUPACABRA!

Economic Development or Political Hegemony ?

" In 1978, the City of Fall River established the private, nonprofit Fall River Office of Economic Development (FROED) as its "one-stop shop" for business and economic development. Incorporated as Jobs for Fall River, Inc., FROED's key objectives are job creation, job retention and the expansion of the city's tax base. The office maintains a professional staff that is organized into four main areas - finance, business development and marketing, business retention and project administration. "

(source: FROED website)

Let me start by asking a simple question. Why does the balding gentleman (above), whose name is Ken Fiola, always have his hands out? What is he looking to get from you and I? I always thought he was supposed to be giving back TO US! At least that's what we should expect from a patronage pick appointed to the job of Executive Director of the Fall River Office Of Economic Development (FROED) that carries with it a salary of over $160,000 a year! I wonder if he has a Masters Degree in Regional Economics or Regional Economic Planning? Because that is the type of degree you need to have, AT A MINIMUM, to adequately perform the duties of the position. If he holds any lesser of a degree his being in this critical job is a complete and utter joke. Combine that with ol' Hamhocks personal choice of a long time toadie and hack for the City CD office, and a worrisome picture is starting to develop during these last disgusting days of the terror filled petulant swine known as ol' Hamhocks.

As opposed to the statement of purpose, seen above in quotations, and which is the very first thing on the FROED website, new articles of incorporation were drawn up to change the purpose of FROED to include expansion into neighboring communities. One of ol' Hamhocks favorite puppets, Atty. Jay Clarkin, who also works for the City, hammered out the new articles to make the outlook of FROED more regional. The reason given is the fact that 35 acres of the future "Bio-World" 300 acres lies in Freetown. Somerset and Westport are also now to be hegemonized into the FROED sphere of influence.

What is also of worry is the fact that local financial institutions desire this expansion to give them more opportunities to loan to safe risk, er, opportunities, and leverage federal and state loan programs, and associated loan guarantees, in the immediate Fall River area. This is probably because there are no takers for business expansion here in good old Fall River. Seems old Ken "Hands Out" Fiola isn't very good at creating the conditions for small businesses creation and expansion here, and needs to "reach out" to contiguous municipalities, sort of like the Soviet Union did to Eastern European states after WWII!

Something just doesn't feel right, like most things in any way related to ol' Hamhocks. This guy Fiola hasn't exactly set the world on fire in developing jobs here in Fall River. I personally think something like the following is going on: The powers that be in Fall River's banking and business community want to put money out there to make money for their banks and develop new , associated businesses to strengthen the local economy first, and create jobs for Fall River, about TENTH! These other communities are not just going to let their vacant property be developed to create jobs and wealth for Fall River! Think about that for a minute. It just doesn't wash or make sense. But it does take care of these banks, and the large business owners who control them because, for ol' Hamhocks, it's take care of my gang time before he's out on his keester. It also paves the way to justify a bigger salary for Ken "Hands Out" Fiola due to having three new sucker communities in his bailiwick, as well as more jobs to be created within FROED as well. I'm sure there will be a nationwide search to fill those jobs...HAHAHAHAHA!

" This clarifies our mission to create jobs as a result of the loans we make,” Fiola said. The board corporation amended the bylaws to say its aim is to stimulate job creation in those towns, “encourage a large flow of private investment funds from banks, investments houses, insurance companies and other financial institutions. ” (source: FR Herald News)

No, this is a sham. All the old familiar names, Fiola, Clarkin, ol' Hamhocks, Amaral and Mederios are attached to this. And when you combine his trying to tie up the CD office with his old administrative assistant in the top CD job, and that office's control of additional federal funds and grants, ol' Hamhocks has just delivered the regions economic development and the safe loan interest payments backed by the federal government directly into the hands of the banking community of Fall River. N0 risk loans out, gaurenteed income to the banks for those paying back the loans that would not have been made otherwise. Nice squared circle here. And nobody knows if a single new job will be created as a result. And really, just exactly how many jobs has Hands Out Fiola created since he's been the Director of FROED?

Naw, this whole thing is kinda smelly. In fact, it stinks!