" IT'S NOT A TRUNK...IT'S A PLAYGROUND!!!!!! "

Father accused of locking kids in trunk
"  Police: Children in car trunk for several minutes-
Updated: Thursday, 26 Nov 2009, 3:41 AM EST
Published : Wednesday, 25 Nov 2009, 5:51 PM EST

Darren Soens
Kathryn Sotnik

FALL RIVER, Mass. (WPRI) - A Fall River father is accused of locking his two young children in the trunk of his car.
Only Eyewitness News was there, as 35-year-old Michael Monahan was arraigned on child endangerment and assault charges Wednesday.
Police say Monahan put his kids, ages 3 and 6, in the trunk of his Pontiac Trans Am for several minutes while he went inside a Fall River sailing shop to run an errand Tuesday morning.
According to court records, Monahan told investigators the boys like to play in the trunk. But police charged him with two counts of assault and reckless endangerment of a child.
He pleaded not guilty and was released on cash bail.
The children are now in the custody of their mother. "

Now...what REALLY happened................................

(R)Reporter: " Mr. Monahan...Mr. Monahan....can we get a statement from you, sir ?....why did you leave your kids in the trunk of your car, sir?!
(M)Mr. Monahan: Leave them in the trunk of my car?....you, sir,  are sorely mistaken sir! Your viewers need to know the truth!
R: But the DA's Office claims you abused your kids by putting them in the trunk of you car, sir! what have you got to say for yourself?!
M: Nice coif, by the way, cupcake...My kids love the trunk of my '96 Chevy Caprice...Did you know that the guys on Federal Hill call this version of the Caprice "The Butcher's Bin", because the trunk is so large that you can put an entire betting Parlor's worth of Irish Truf Accountants in there...you're a Providence station, you fellas should know this, I would think.
R: Ahh...Interesting and colorful information sir, ah...just why were the kids in the trunk?!
M: The kids won't come out once they are in there...it's sort of a community thing now.
R: Community thing? What on earth do you mean? (aside to camera man "Are you rolling?....this should get us on "EXTRA").

M: I mean, the kids love this trunk....it's not just a trunk, it's a playground, a veritable cornucopia of kids activities...they BEG me to stay in the trunk...look, they've got virtually everything a kid could want in there!. They really love the playground set with the swings and slides!
R: Swings and slides? What the hell are you talking about?!
M: I'm talking about staying active and healthy...I'm talking about no video games or gang bangers or drugs....You think you can leave your kids outside alone to play today here in Fall River? Huh?  You got kids guy? Wait, why am I askin' you, your haircut alone must cost $150 guy...you definitely do not have kids!
R: Stay on point, Archie Bunker, OK? I'm trying to get your side of the story!

M: Sorry that I digressed...what I mean is I picked that year of that car because it had a trunk about the size of an aircraft carrier...when the kids aren't in school, I keep them busy and happy with all kinds of activities....you name it, they got just about everything...right now, they LOVEEEE the bowling alley in the far right corner of the trunk! It's only two lanes, so when the neighborhood kids come over , that have to learn to share, which can be dicey, but they...negotiate the way kids negotiate these things...it's fun AND a life learning experience!

R: When the neighborhood kids come over?
M: Of course...we have block parties, sing carols at Christmas...you know that even the parents get in on the action....once the kids let one of those

parents get a hold of their skateboard, forgetaboutit! That skateboard course is one of the favorite summertime activities... the whole family digs it...that's in the far left corner of the trunk...near the slight rust hole in the top..need something to let the barbeque smoke escape, you know.
R: Hey Monahan, you're full of it...Why didn't you tell the court all this during you're arraignment?

M: I do what my lawyer tells me to do...the parents in the neighborhood took up a collection and.....well let's just say that after we invite a few of the local pols to see the panetaruim and meet with the parents group...you know, a few soda's around the sandbox, while the younger kids babysit and th......
R: Planaterium?...sandbox?...Stop filming, stop filming, we're done here...what a jokester Monahan...thanks for wasting our time!

M : I'm not wasting your time...we got a planaterium...we also use it as a meeting place for lectures, films, and of course, the Astronmy shows on weekends...car can't be moving...ruins the internal mechanism on the projector...it's an IMAX you know....great for these dog and pony shows...we're trying to get Deval to come down and give us some of that stimulus money....we want to expand and modernize the concession stand, put more neighborhood kids to work! The planetarium is way back in the middle of the trunk, and encroaches underneath the back seat...where the speakers are for the surround sound...unreal, too.....MIT designed them.

R: Tell me the truth Monahan. I bet if I get your jacket from the DA's Office it will show me a bust of two for confidence games and forgerey, right? I mean, I should hook you up to a lie detector just to embarress you but it would electrocute you as soon as it was attached to your lying, sweaty skin!

M: No, you must be talking about  Mayor Correia, hahaha, sorry, couldn't resist a little Fall River humor there...I'm not lying at all...my kids love it in that trunk! Why wouldn't they... you just refuse to believe what IS....you want to block this possibility out of your mind completely.....what a sad, little man you are, mister...I was going to show you the Men's room , and how we use the catalytic converter and heat from the exhaust system to recycle, but not now.....as far as I'm concerned, you can hold it until you get back to the station......I've got an interview with OPRAH in ten minutes...oh YEE of little faith....now get out of my way....I have to pull my kids off the teeter-totter...that's in the left corner of the trunk if you care...got to comb their hair...who knows...we just might get a reality TV show now that "John and Kate plus Eight" is dead....next time I buy a Chevy Van....maybe I can put in a driving range in that one...something for Dad, you know!