THERE ARE A BUSHEL OF STORIES IN THE NAKED CITY

This story was posted on the Fall River Herald News(HN) website last night at  10:03 P.M.

" Cobs nab trio after alleged robbery.
By John Moss
Herald News Staff Reporter
Posted Nov 19, 2009 @ 10:03 PM
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Fall River — .Three people were arrested Thursday after they allegedly held up a 24-hour convenience store, then tried to rob another one moments later, police said. "


Now, we know given the atrocious reporting and editing eminating from the HN lately that they meant the Police - cops - arrested the culprits....But imagine, just for a second if their staff of cub reporters MEANT to report "COBS".........
NEWSFLASH:
Fall River police today announced that due to extensive cuts in manpower, the City would follow the lead of the School Department and hire, on a permanent basis, the best available vegetables, at the lowest possible prices, to plug patrol gaps across the City.
While these vegetables have just graduated from an advanced training section at the Police Academy, they are said to be full of vitamins and fiber and should do a fine job. Mayor Robert Correia said :
   "I'm so glad to be able to leave the City in the capable hands of the best that the Framers Market has to offer. Local produce is the best produce, and it's a great thing to leave local jobs in the hands of local veggies. That's what I call home grown excellence! No better example of " Pride, Citywide" exists. And while as most of you know that many of my own family members are vegetables, none will be serving in the Fall River Police Department, although several have been Court Officers for some time. And the best part is, if these vegetables don't work out, we can always eat them later!"

 The following photos of prospective officers were taken at Academy Graduation Day:


The Director of the Academy stated that Corn Cobs made the best street officers for patrol purposes because of their heavy fiber thickness and ability to loose kernels without losing effectiveness. Brussel Sprouts (above, left) made the best shift comanders because no one liked them and they were best when they were "sauced".
Finally, minorities like Red Hot Peppers (below, left)  provided a certain spice to the Vegetable mix and also appealed to the Bi-lingual elements in the City.

There is little doubt that this decision is a positive one, especially with the younger, more health and weight concerned educated population in Fall River, primarily found in the Arts Overlay District. Future hires being considered are Bean Sprouts and Bok Choy given the City's growing Asian population. It is expected that these new officers would head up a new Computer and Information Crime Bureau. Old standby's like Lettuce are considered simply not up to the rigors of the job, and are thought to be suceptable to wilting under pressure when the heat was turned up! Whatever Vegetable is chosen, the Academy is expected to filter out those that cannot stay fresh and crisp under ANY conditions!

All we can say is it's great to have you on board with this City's Public Safety contingent. One other thing....they won't cost the City a dime for Group Health Insurance, except, of course, if they are kept in the dark too long. That should not be a problem, as they are needed immediately. So let's give these peppy veggies a warm Fall River welcome! Now, be careful out there!